Christmas joy!

Christmas has been a beautiful event. We had my husband's mother, step father, and two youngest sisters down for this last week. I REALLY enjoyed having the house full of children. With both boys being here (they're 15 and 16) and Charlie's sisters (who're 9 and 14) and my sisters kids (15 and 16) along with Maggie and all the grand parents running around, my house has been full of loud happiness!
it reminds me how much i miss having a house full of kids.
Charlie's parents and sisters left out this morning and the house is already so much quieter. It's sad. I don't know how we will handle the boys leaving at the end of the week. Maggie will be the lone child in the house (unless my sister's kid are visiting.) It'll be quiet and lonely.
and quiet.
Charlie and i realized that we have nearly nothing holding us down once Sam moves. We could plan for sitters for my parents and pick up with maggie and travel any time we can afford it instead of planning around the summer and fall breaks.

We're still waiting to hear from the adoption worker. I may give her a call on monday. We shall just wait and see. If adoption is what God wants for our family, he will supply.

I just know i love having a brood of children all calling me Mom!

no update.

no news, yet.
still waiting.
i told Charlie yesterday, that with everything else going on it is probably best that we haven't heard anything back yet.

i really don't think i could deal with a rejection on top of everything else.

a Good-to-go would be elating. but a rejection? right now?

i almost hope they wait till after the holidays.

sigh.

the first real step

so, charlie and i are taking the first REAL step onto the adoption path.
research done and choices made, i've talked with the worker at lifeline and we decided to do a few checks before we even send in our application.
just to check where we stand in everything.

the ukraine worker mailed out the forms last week. we received them thursday and i mailed them back to her today. she said it would take 2 or 3 weeks to get the information back. so now we wait.

this one form, if it comes back with a negative response, kills our adoption journey flat.
if it comes back clean and positive, we will continue on as best we can.

However, i'm really unsure if the ukraine is really the country for us. I'll have to wait and see what the new year brings in changes to their program. I really don't like what i learning about their current program. ( they're seriously pushing older and severe special needs children while refusing dossiers of families requesting younger healthy children. just refusing the dossier. sigh.)

i guess it's out of my hands. It's always been out of my hands. I just feel like now i've taken the first step of faith. Here you go God. Take the reins. It's up to you.

<3

In Limbo

How funny.
On the 5th i received a letter from DHR containing our much pleaded for Application and Financial report. Post dated the 3rd. heh.
Atleast we FINALLY have it!
Only, it arrived the day after Charlie and I decided that we would hold off on the Foster to Adopt path untill we see if Lifeline would be a better choice for us.

We are super interested in their Ukraine program.
Super Interested.
Like, we're discussing possible names, super interested.

I truely hope to hear from the Worker at Lifeline this upcoming week. I pray that she says that they can work with us. I hope and pray that this is .... IT, youknow?

we shall see. We shall see. The Good Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, This may finally be IT!!!

"Can I copy down your number?"

i just talked with the Social worker who handles the program that we're interested in at the adoption agency in the Magic City.

After typing that sentence, i have to wonder why i even try to be vague. lol It makes reading this confusing doesn't it?

Anyway... I asked her about how our history and situation concerning DHR and S would affect our home study and adoption prospects. She said she wasn't sure and asked to call me back after she talked with her Supervisor. So she calls me back within 30 mins. Thirty prayerful mins. She states that she and her worker are concerned because Even though S and J do not live with us, they will still have to have a background check and all since Ch and BoysMom have joint custody, which means that S's history will always pop up. However, Having him not live in the home with us does change the situation. She also said that they were unsure as to whether it would be on Our record that a child had been offended against in our home under our care. This is something that i had been told before but really no one had answered me definitively. It was always a "It might be there permanently" type thing. Since Ch and I NEVER had any type of charges or anything filed against us, i really don't understand why something like that would be there.

but then again, I'm not the one in charge of that stuff.

So she said that She had put in a call to a social worker involved with State DHR to check on exactly how our situation and history involving this one thing may affect our home study and adoption goals. She sounded positive but continued saying "I really don't want to tell you that it will or wont be okay because I don't know for sure. We will find out, though." which isn't promising, but one can hope. I truly hope that their DHR worker responds in a more timely manner than the ones I've always worked with.

speaking of: I left another message today for the DHR worker stating that i STILL have not received the application or financial report in the mail and i asked if it may be easier for me to just pick them up at the front of the offices next time I'm in town. I begged her to please call me and let me know.

I will not hear from her. I will not receive these things in the mail. *sigh*

But, I have at least spoken with someone about it and there is someone who is trying to find the answers for me. There is someone who called me back. There is SOMEONE who may actually want to work with us.

Praise God.

Necessary Boundaries

Well,

Ch and i finally had a long overdue conversation about what he would like our boundaries and expectations to be with this adoption.
I was aiming for any child from any program that was quick and cost effective. Ch wants to be much more conservative and selective. During the conversation, i could just feel the doors of opportunity closing all around us. However, after a long night of restless sleep and much prayer, I think what we needed was boundaries and conservative expectations. I felt one door open wide for us and i think it may be the path that we need to follow.

I think we may be settled on using the agency in the magic city. It has a program that I'm almost certain that we qualify for and they are located in our state so there wouldn't be any out of state issues during the adoption. Also, they can answer all our questions about the home study and eventually do the home study.

We will have to seriously work to pay for this. I'm hoping that Ch and I can apply for a loan for the full amount of the adoption and put it in a savings account to draw from as needed. We would have to make monthly payments but the program that I'm thinking that we'll use take 18 to 24 months to complete so we could have the loan paid off before the adoption is finalized. That'd be awesome.

The 18 to 24 month wait is what kills me though. There are cheaper programs with MUCH shorter wait times (which appeal to me since i want to adopt, like, 3 years ago.) However, they don't have the children available that fit the boundaries that We've agreed on. So I am starting to accept that If we can start this process in January of 2010, that by the summer of 2011 we should have our 2Nd (well, 4Th actually) child in our home. The age range of the children in that program are 12 months and up but the odds of us having a child under 3 referred to us is slim so I also have to accept that Maggie will be 2 and a Half while our newest addition may be older than her when he/she comes home. Very close in age, still, but probably older.

There is also the possibility that a sibling group could be referred to us.

shew.

Of course, this is all 2 years away.=(
All i need to focus on now is preparing our home and paperwork for the application and then the home study.

I called the agency this morning and left a message for an international worker asking if she would call me to help answer a few questions i have about our situation and the home study. Hopefully she'll call back. If she doesn't, i know how to nag. Even though i don't want to nag. *sigh* I'd rather work with someone who WANTS to work with us.

We'll see where this takes us.

<3

disappointment comes in all flavors

It's been over a week since i contacted the worker at DHR asking for an application and a financial report. I have yet to receive these in the mail. How agressive should i be here since i fear that they really don't want to work with us?
*sigh*
Sometimes, i wonder if this is truely what God wants for us? Nothing seems to just fall into place. Everything is a battle. I am constantly questioning myself as to weither this is something that *I* want or if it something God has called me to strive for. I've been trying for years. It seems that each step i take foward turns into a disaster. I often feel that i'm just pushing up against a stone wall. This situation isn't giving. There seems to be no ....

There's just nothing. I reach and reach and there is NOTHING within my grasp.

I'm losing the initial excitement i felt when i first thought we may finally be able to adopt. I have lost all the reassurance and sureness i felt about this. I feel lost and left out by this.

Aside from the adoption ache- life is wonderful. I have to ask myself if it's just me being greedy to have that longing to adopt even after God blessed us with Maggie.

I suppose it just hurts. I need to feel wanted in this process. Instead, i feel like i'm trying to break my way into a fort complete with an angry army.

I wish God could just tell me that either Yes, he wants us to adopt now.or No, he never wants us to adopt or Yes, he wants us to adopt but at a later time. I feel so lost.

Amish Puzzle Ball: An Exploration Into Crafting!

So i stumbled across the instructions to craft an Amish Puzzle Ball through bing search and thought i'd give it a try.

First, I found a pillow and pillow case that i wanted to repurpose for this craft. I figure turning a pillow into a pillow was, us, fitting. Then i had to enlarge the template to the size i wanted. I wanted this ball to be HUGE so we could use it as a "hide-a-toy" type game piece.

Here's the 36 pieces cut and organized into the sets that would be sewn together. It doesn't look like much but it took me half an hour to decide how i would group my uneven pieces together.

So, here is where i have all the pieces sewn into triangles, stuffed, hand stitched closed and have started sewing the individual triangles into sets of 3. I'm not the best at keeping up with taking photos of each step. Our camera is a battery vampire and it gets kinda hectic around here sometimes so i just snap pictures whenever i can. hehe

And the finished product! As you can see, by comparison with the boppy pillow, the thing is very big! lol and it looks somewhat similar to the one i nthe instructions printed out beside it, so that's a plus. Next time, i'll stuff them a lot fuller. I'm really proud. I'm not a crafty person but this was fun. Now, for Maggie to enjoy it!

<3

Cleaning:

It is good for the soul.

It seems like i've been packing for months because i have been packing for months. A box here, a drawer there, a pile of clothes in the corner. I've been packing our house slowly but surely since the begining of summer. It's an exercise in futility. Every box i pack will be moved to our storage shed only to be moved back up into this very house, except into a different room (some of which are still being built). It makes my work seem silly when i look at it this way.

However, i am cleaning today. I am cleaning today because my brother-in-law was working out in the construction area of the house yesterday and screamed like a little girl when he came across a scorpion. So today i'm vaccuuming in corners that haven't seen light in months.

I can't stand creepy crawly bugs inside my house.
I know God loves his creepy crawly bugs just as much as he loves me and it is reassuring to know that they have a purpose, as well, but i'd rather they have their purpose outside my home.

So i'm cleaning.
It makes me feel better.
Maggie has been playing quietly all morning as i've done laundry, cleared away clutter, searched for places to put things away, and vaccuummed. She swings between enjoying the vaccuumm and screaming at it. I agree with her. Some days i enjoy the chore while other days i'd rather scream at it.

We are still unsure as to where we stand with DHR on the fostering to adopt plan. After 3 weeks of calling, i finally got ahold of the worker who asked a few questions, sounded unimpressed and a bit like she was looking at a hopeless cause, and promised to put an application and financial report in the mail to us. I'm not sure how this will work out.

In the mean time, we have been researching other roads to adoption. I've requested and received information from the Independant Adoption Center. The packet was articles and such on open adoption. I've read through them time and again and my huge concern is funding.

I've requested information from the Lifeline services here closer to home. A friend is also using this agency which is comforting but i'm not sure if it is the path for us. My concern again is funding. Even if we do a special needs /older child adoption from a more lenient country, it would end up being a loan we would be paying on for the next ten years....
Also: i don't want to be nearly 4 thousand dollars into this process only to find out that we can not pass a homestudy. =(

I suppose we all have our hurdles to overcome when following what we belive to be is God's patch for our lives.

<3

Cloth Diapering

We started cloth diapering as an experiment to see if it actually helped us save money.

Our initial investment was less than 20 bucks. We bought two packs of prefold cd's and a package of pins. Later, we were gifted a package of plastic pants (3 pair per pack.) And i used these for nearly 2 months.

For a long while, i'd been researching the "Fancy" cd's trying to decide which i wanted to use. One day i just happened to stumble upon www.kellyscloset.com and found Mommy Touch Velcro cd's listed in the Sale/ Discontinued section for 8 (EIGHT!!) dollars each. I ordered 15 of them. It made the price high enough that i got free shipping. I made the mistake of not purchasing the stuffers so i have just stuffed them with folded prefolds. *shrugs* It works. We spent almost $150.00 on the Mommy's Touch.

Ofcourse, i learned quickly that an 8 week old wets and dirtys many more than 15 diapers in a single day. lol Especially a Breastfed baby that will have a bm after every feeding up untill she's about 4 months old. So i decided to beg to get another set to help out. It was tiresome having to wash diapers every night. Since Kelly's closet didn't have anything in the sale/discontinued section that looked tempting to me. i started looking other places. I absolutely can not see paying any more than 10 bucks for a diaper so i shop around. A lot. I finally found a store on Ebay (FlyLaser3721) where i could get 20 "BabyLand" cd's for $100.00. That's like 5 bucks a piece. And they're well made. I even like the snaps better than the velcro. They even came with the inserts (which are worth the extra money if you have to buy them seperately!!!) so that was great.

Now, i have 35 fancy cd's and a slew of prefolds. I have 3 cd's that i don't use daily. I think everyone has one or two out of their stash that they just don't like. Don't seem to fit right or work right or something just isn't right. I have 3 Red Mommy's Touch Velcro cd's that just seemingly leak every use. So ive decided we'll use them for Maggie to swim in.

with 35 cd's, i can usually got about 3 days inbetween washings. It's one extra load twice a week so the additional cost on water is minimal. We hang them out to dry, too, so there's no added cost there. Even using the dryer, you can dry the diapers and stuffers together just keep an idea of how long the diapers usually take to get dry and pull them out and leave the stuffers in to finish. It's still only one extra run through twice a week.

Now, i cheat sometimes and use disposables. When Maggie wasn't sleeping through the night, i would use cd's. Now that she only wakes once during the night (or even sleeps through sometimes!) i use a disposable. Having to change her sheets every morning got tiresome, too, but i kept it up untill she was sleeping through. I also use disposables when we go out to town. On average, we have spent around $12.00 A MONTH on disposables.

Maggie is only 10 months old, and even with the 250 dollar initial investment, we've spent les than 40 bucks a month on diapering. As she gets older and the initial investment spreads out, it'll become less and less. All my cd's are One size and should fit to 35lbs. I look foward to potty training with them. =)

Here's a post from a few months back covering storage and wash days. =)

· Today is a cloth diaper wash day. This happens about every 3rd day.

I have 2 seperate containers that i keep my cd's in untill wash day. These are kind of like normal diaper pails . I use storage containers with seal tight lids. I keep the ONLY wet's in one storage container. I keep the Dirty's in a different storage container that i have a small portion of water in to help them keep from staining. The water keeps the poops moist and so it doesnt set into the material. I don't flush any poops off ours before they go into the container because that would mean hiking up and down the stairs after every diaper change. Instead, on diaper wash day i take the dirty's out, dump the water into the drive way and rinse them thoroughly with the water hose. then i rinse the drive way. lol Rinse the container, refill with water and take it back into the house. Flushing is easier for most people, though.

then all the diapers and stuffers go into the wash together. I used to seperately wash the diapers from the stuffers when i had to dry them in the dryer. The diapers only take 10 mins (if that) to dry in the dryer. the stuffers, however, take a little longer and the diapers don't need to be in the dryer any longer than they absolutely have to be.

Anyway, since i line dry them now, i toss em in to wash all together. I use Cheer powder laundry soap. No bleach. no funny business. no softeners. just clean em. Every other wash i put in a table spoon of Dawn dish soap to strip the diapers of any kind of buildup. Since our machine has a seperate thing for "fabric softener" that can be added seperately during the wash, i just put the dawn in that. Simple.

Afterwards, i hang em to dry. Wait about an hour or two and collect my dry diapers. Shake, stuff, and set to use.

Easy as pie=) i love my life =)

Sparkly Beginings

Another blog, for another reason, and hopefully a happy ending later on.

This is our beautiful daughter, Maggie, at her weigh in during one of our Breast Feeding groups. I think this is during her 7 month? Possibly. Either way, she was a wonderful 16lbs! At our more recent visit, in her 10 month, she was 18lbs even.
Thank You, Sarah for taking this adorable picture of her and passing it on to me!

Also: it's kind of a secret at the moment, but today while we were out and about, we found ourselves at k-mart and Charlie suggested that since Maggie was in such a great mood and dressed up so pretty that we should get a professional photo! We got their one pose special since it was a spur of the moment thing. Maggie thought the photographer was off her rocker with all the jabbering and poking and hollering, lol. She did really well, though! I think the photographer took 15 shots and we settled on the verry first one taken. Maggie has this beautiful real smile in it. I can't wait to supprise everyone with the photos!

I'm really not sure exactly what i'd like to document with this blog so i'll be experimenting a little with the content. So, we'll see how this goes.
<3 Leslie