disappointment comes in all flavors

It's been over a week since i contacted the worker at DHR asking for an application and a financial report. I have yet to receive these in the mail. How agressive should i be here since i fear that they really don't want to work with us?
*sigh*
Sometimes, i wonder if this is truely what God wants for us? Nothing seems to just fall into place. Everything is a battle. I am constantly questioning myself as to weither this is something that *I* want or if it something God has called me to strive for. I've been trying for years. It seems that each step i take foward turns into a disaster. I often feel that i'm just pushing up against a stone wall. This situation isn't giving. There seems to be no ....

There's just nothing. I reach and reach and there is NOTHING within my grasp.

I'm losing the initial excitement i felt when i first thought we may finally be able to adopt. I have lost all the reassurance and sureness i felt about this. I feel lost and left out by this.

Aside from the adoption ache- life is wonderful. I have to ask myself if it's just me being greedy to have that longing to adopt even after God blessed us with Maggie.

I suppose it just hurts. I need to feel wanted in this process. Instead, i feel like i'm trying to break my way into a fort complete with an angry army.

I wish God could just tell me that either Yes, he wants us to adopt now.or No, he never wants us to adopt or Yes, he wants us to adopt but at a later time. I feel so lost.