disappointment comes in all flavors

It's been over a week since i contacted the worker at DHR asking for an application and a financial report. I have yet to receive these in the mail. How agressive should i be here since i fear that they really don't want to work with us?
*sigh*
Sometimes, i wonder if this is truely what God wants for us? Nothing seems to just fall into place. Everything is a battle. I am constantly questioning myself as to weither this is something that *I* want or if it something God has called me to strive for. I've been trying for years. It seems that each step i take foward turns into a disaster. I often feel that i'm just pushing up against a stone wall. This situation isn't giving. There seems to be no ....

There's just nothing. I reach and reach and there is NOTHING within my grasp.

I'm losing the initial excitement i felt when i first thought we may finally be able to adopt. I have lost all the reassurance and sureness i felt about this. I feel lost and left out by this.

Aside from the adoption ache- life is wonderful. I have to ask myself if it's just me being greedy to have that longing to adopt even after God blessed us with Maggie.

I suppose it just hurts. I need to feel wanted in this process. Instead, i feel like i'm trying to break my way into a fort complete with an angry army.

I wish God could just tell me that either Yes, he wants us to adopt now.or No, he never wants us to adopt or Yes, he wants us to adopt but at a later time. I feel so lost.

Amish Puzzle Ball: An Exploration Into Crafting!

So i stumbled across the instructions to craft an Amish Puzzle Ball through bing search and thought i'd give it a try.

First, I found a pillow and pillow case that i wanted to repurpose for this craft. I figure turning a pillow into a pillow was, us, fitting. Then i had to enlarge the template to the size i wanted. I wanted this ball to be HUGE so we could use it as a "hide-a-toy" type game piece.

Here's the 36 pieces cut and organized into the sets that would be sewn together. It doesn't look like much but it took me half an hour to decide how i would group my uneven pieces together.

So, here is where i have all the pieces sewn into triangles, stuffed, hand stitched closed and have started sewing the individual triangles into sets of 3. I'm not the best at keeping up with taking photos of each step. Our camera is a battery vampire and it gets kinda hectic around here sometimes so i just snap pictures whenever i can. hehe

And the finished product! As you can see, by comparison with the boppy pillow, the thing is very big! lol and it looks somewhat similar to the one i nthe instructions printed out beside it, so that's a plus. Next time, i'll stuff them a lot fuller. I'm really proud. I'm not a crafty person but this was fun. Now, for Maggie to enjoy it!

<3

Cleaning:

It is good for the soul.

It seems like i've been packing for months because i have been packing for months. A box here, a drawer there, a pile of clothes in the corner. I've been packing our house slowly but surely since the begining of summer. It's an exercise in futility. Every box i pack will be moved to our storage shed only to be moved back up into this very house, except into a different room (some of which are still being built). It makes my work seem silly when i look at it this way.

However, i am cleaning today. I am cleaning today because my brother-in-law was working out in the construction area of the house yesterday and screamed like a little girl when he came across a scorpion. So today i'm vaccuuming in corners that haven't seen light in months.

I can't stand creepy crawly bugs inside my house.
I know God loves his creepy crawly bugs just as much as he loves me and it is reassuring to know that they have a purpose, as well, but i'd rather they have their purpose outside my home.

So i'm cleaning.
It makes me feel better.
Maggie has been playing quietly all morning as i've done laundry, cleared away clutter, searched for places to put things away, and vaccuummed. She swings between enjoying the vaccuumm and screaming at it. I agree with her. Some days i enjoy the chore while other days i'd rather scream at it.

We are still unsure as to where we stand with DHR on the fostering to adopt plan. After 3 weeks of calling, i finally got ahold of the worker who asked a few questions, sounded unimpressed and a bit like she was looking at a hopeless cause, and promised to put an application and financial report in the mail to us. I'm not sure how this will work out.

In the mean time, we have been researching other roads to adoption. I've requested and received information from the Independant Adoption Center. The packet was articles and such on open adoption. I've read through them time and again and my huge concern is funding.

I've requested information from the Lifeline services here closer to home. A friend is also using this agency which is comforting but i'm not sure if it is the path for us. My concern again is funding. Even if we do a special needs /older child adoption from a more lenient country, it would end up being a loan we would be paying on for the next ten years....
Also: i don't want to be nearly 4 thousand dollars into this process only to find out that we can not pass a homestudy. =(

I suppose we all have our hurdles to overcome when following what we belive to be is God's patch for our lives.

<3

Cloth Diapering

We started cloth diapering as an experiment to see if it actually helped us save money.

Our initial investment was less than 20 bucks. We bought two packs of prefold cd's and a package of pins. Later, we were gifted a package of plastic pants (3 pair per pack.) And i used these for nearly 2 months.

For a long while, i'd been researching the "Fancy" cd's trying to decide which i wanted to use. One day i just happened to stumble upon www.kellyscloset.com and found Mommy Touch Velcro cd's listed in the Sale/ Discontinued section for 8 (EIGHT!!) dollars each. I ordered 15 of them. It made the price high enough that i got free shipping. I made the mistake of not purchasing the stuffers so i have just stuffed them with folded prefolds. *shrugs* It works. We spent almost $150.00 on the Mommy's Touch.

Ofcourse, i learned quickly that an 8 week old wets and dirtys many more than 15 diapers in a single day. lol Especially a Breastfed baby that will have a bm after every feeding up untill she's about 4 months old. So i decided to beg to get another set to help out. It was tiresome having to wash diapers every night. Since Kelly's closet didn't have anything in the sale/discontinued section that looked tempting to me. i started looking other places. I absolutely can not see paying any more than 10 bucks for a diaper so i shop around. A lot. I finally found a store on Ebay (FlyLaser3721) where i could get 20 "BabyLand" cd's for $100.00. That's like 5 bucks a piece. And they're well made. I even like the snaps better than the velcro. They even came with the inserts (which are worth the extra money if you have to buy them seperately!!!) so that was great.

Now, i have 35 fancy cd's and a slew of prefolds. I have 3 cd's that i don't use daily. I think everyone has one or two out of their stash that they just don't like. Don't seem to fit right or work right or something just isn't right. I have 3 Red Mommy's Touch Velcro cd's that just seemingly leak every use. So ive decided we'll use them for Maggie to swim in.

with 35 cd's, i can usually got about 3 days inbetween washings. It's one extra load twice a week so the additional cost on water is minimal. We hang them out to dry, too, so there's no added cost there. Even using the dryer, you can dry the diapers and stuffers together just keep an idea of how long the diapers usually take to get dry and pull them out and leave the stuffers in to finish. It's still only one extra run through twice a week.

Now, i cheat sometimes and use disposables. When Maggie wasn't sleeping through the night, i would use cd's. Now that she only wakes once during the night (or even sleeps through sometimes!) i use a disposable. Having to change her sheets every morning got tiresome, too, but i kept it up untill she was sleeping through. I also use disposables when we go out to town. On average, we have spent around $12.00 A MONTH on disposables.

Maggie is only 10 months old, and even with the 250 dollar initial investment, we've spent les than 40 bucks a month on diapering. As she gets older and the initial investment spreads out, it'll become less and less. All my cd's are One size and should fit to 35lbs. I look foward to potty training with them. =)

Here's a post from a few months back covering storage and wash days. =)

· Today is a cloth diaper wash day. This happens about every 3rd day.

I have 2 seperate containers that i keep my cd's in untill wash day. These are kind of like normal diaper pails . I use storage containers with seal tight lids. I keep the ONLY wet's in one storage container. I keep the Dirty's in a different storage container that i have a small portion of water in to help them keep from staining. The water keeps the poops moist and so it doesnt set into the material. I don't flush any poops off ours before they go into the container because that would mean hiking up and down the stairs after every diaper change. Instead, on diaper wash day i take the dirty's out, dump the water into the drive way and rinse them thoroughly with the water hose. then i rinse the drive way. lol Rinse the container, refill with water and take it back into the house. Flushing is easier for most people, though.

then all the diapers and stuffers go into the wash together. I used to seperately wash the diapers from the stuffers when i had to dry them in the dryer. The diapers only take 10 mins (if that) to dry in the dryer. the stuffers, however, take a little longer and the diapers don't need to be in the dryer any longer than they absolutely have to be.

Anyway, since i line dry them now, i toss em in to wash all together. I use Cheer powder laundry soap. No bleach. no funny business. no softeners. just clean em. Every other wash i put in a table spoon of Dawn dish soap to strip the diapers of any kind of buildup. Since our machine has a seperate thing for "fabric softener" that can be added seperately during the wash, i just put the dawn in that. Simple.

Afterwards, i hang em to dry. Wait about an hour or two and collect my dry diapers. Shake, stuff, and set to use.

Easy as pie=) i love my life =)

Sparkly Beginings

Another blog, for another reason, and hopefully a happy ending later on.

This is our beautiful daughter, Maggie, at her weigh in during one of our Breast Feeding groups. I think this is during her 7 month? Possibly. Either way, she was a wonderful 16lbs! At our more recent visit, in her 10 month, she was 18lbs even.
Thank You, Sarah for taking this adorable picture of her and passing it on to me!

Also: it's kind of a secret at the moment, but today while we were out and about, we found ourselves at k-mart and Charlie suggested that since Maggie was in such a great mood and dressed up so pretty that we should get a professional photo! We got their one pose special since it was a spur of the moment thing. Maggie thought the photographer was off her rocker with all the jabbering and poking and hollering, lol. She did really well, though! I think the photographer took 15 shots and we settled on the verry first one taken. Maggie has this beautiful real smile in it. I can't wait to supprise everyone with the photos!

I'm really not sure exactly what i'd like to document with this blog so i'll be experimenting a little with the content. So, we'll see how this goes.
<3 Leslie