the first real step

so, charlie and i are taking the first REAL step onto the adoption path.
research done and choices made, i've talked with the worker at lifeline and we decided to do a few checks before we even send in our application.
just to check where we stand in everything.

the ukraine worker mailed out the forms last week. we received them thursday and i mailed them back to her today. she said it would take 2 or 3 weeks to get the information back. so now we wait.

this one form, if it comes back with a negative response, kills our adoption journey flat.
if it comes back clean and positive, we will continue on as best we can.

However, i'm really unsure if the ukraine is really the country for us. I'll have to wait and see what the new year brings in changes to their program. I really don't like what i learning about their current program. ( they're seriously pushing older and severe special needs children while refusing dossiers of families requesting younger healthy children. just refusing the dossier. sigh.)

i guess it's out of my hands. It's always been out of my hands. I just feel like now i've taken the first step of faith. Here you go God. Take the reins. It's up to you.

<3

In Limbo

How funny.
On the 5th i received a letter from DHR containing our much pleaded for Application and Financial report. Post dated the 3rd. heh.
Atleast we FINALLY have it!
Only, it arrived the day after Charlie and I decided that we would hold off on the Foster to Adopt path untill we see if Lifeline would be a better choice for us.

We are super interested in their Ukraine program.
Super Interested.
Like, we're discussing possible names, super interested.

I truely hope to hear from the Worker at Lifeline this upcoming week. I pray that she says that they can work with us. I hope and pray that this is .... IT, youknow?

we shall see. We shall see. The Good Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, This may finally be IT!!!

"Can I copy down your number?"

i just talked with the Social worker who handles the program that we're interested in at the adoption agency in the Magic City.

After typing that sentence, i have to wonder why i even try to be vague. lol It makes reading this confusing doesn't it?

Anyway... I asked her about how our history and situation concerning DHR and S would affect our home study and adoption prospects. She said she wasn't sure and asked to call me back after she talked with her Supervisor. So she calls me back within 30 mins. Thirty prayerful mins. She states that she and her worker are concerned because Even though S and J do not live with us, they will still have to have a background check and all since Ch and BoysMom have joint custody, which means that S's history will always pop up. However, Having him not live in the home with us does change the situation. She also said that they were unsure as to whether it would be on Our record that a child had been offended against in our home under our care. This is something that i had been told before but really no one had answered me definitively. It was always a "It might be there permanently" type thing. Since Ch and I NEVER had any type of charges or anything filed against us, i really don't understand why something like that would be there.

but then again, I'm not the one in charge of that stuff.

So she said that She had put in a call to a social worker involved with State DHR to check on exactly how our situation and history involving this one thing may affect our home study and adoption goals. She sounded positive but continued saying "I really don't want to tell you that it will or wont be okay because I don't know for sure. We will find out, though." which isn't promising, but one can hope. I truly hope that their DHR worker responds in a more timely manner than the ones I've always worked with.

speaking of: I left another message today for the DHR worker stating that i STILL have not received the application or financial report in the mail and i asked if it may be easier for me to just pick them up at the front of the offices next time I'm in town. I begged her to please call me and let me know.

I will not hear from her. I will not receive these things in the mail. *sigh*

But, I have at least spoken with someone about it and there is someone who is trying to find the answers for me. There is someone who called me back. There is SOMEONE who may actually want to work with us.

Praise God.

Necessary Boundaries

Well,

Ch and i finally had a long overdue conversation about what he would like our boundaries and expectations to be with this adoption.
I was aiming for any child from any program that was quick and cost effective. Ch wants to be much more conservative and selective. During the conversation, i could just feel the doors of opportunity closing all around us. However, after a long night of restless sleep and much prayer, I think what we needed was boundaries and conservative expectations. I felt one door open wide for us and i think it may be the path that we need to follow.

I think we may be settled on using the agency in the magic city. It has a program that I'm almost certain that we qualify for and they are located in our state so there wouldn't be any out of state issues during the adoption. Also, they can answer all our questions about the home study and eventually do the home study.

We will have to seriously work to pay for this. I'm hoping that Ch and I can apply for a loan for the full amount of the adoption and put it in a savings account to draw from as needed. We would have to make monthly payments but the program that I'm thinking that we'll use take 18 to 24 months to complete so we could have the loan paid off before the adoption is finalized. That'd be awesome.

The 18 to 24 month wait is what kills me though. There are cheaper programs with MUCH shorter wait times (which appeal to me since i want to adopt, like, 3 years ago.) However, they don't have the children available that fit the boundaries that We've agreed on. So I am starting to accept that If we can start this process in January of 2010, that by the summer of 2011 we should have our 2Nd (well, 4Th actually) child in our home. The age range of the children in that program are 12 months and up but the odds of us having a child under 3 referred to us is slim so I also have to accept that Maggie will be 2 and a Half while our newest addition may be older than her when he/she comes home. Very close in age, still, but probably older.

There is also the possibility that a sibling group could be referred to us.

shew.

Of course, this is all 2 years away.=(
All i need to focus on now is preparing our home and paperwork for the application and then the home study.

I called the agency this morning and left a message for an international worker asking if she would call me to help answer a few questions i have about our situation and the home study. Hopefully she'll call back. If she doesn't, i know how to nag. Even though i don't want to nag. *sigh* I'd rather work with someone who WANTS to work with us.

We'll see where this takes us.

<3